Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Do Paperclips Have Scrotums?

You're reading Books, Beer and BLOGshit! It's the only blog that's insists it's office equipment wear a condom! I am your blog host, Mr. Frank!

I think we've landed the interview of the century here on the BLOGshit. Recently an Amazon erotica title gained viral attention across the social medias and then some all because of the main character, Clippy. Clippy is that lovable (READ: obnoxious) paperclip with eyes that gave you tons of obvious advice when using Microsoft Office products. But that's all we knew about Clippy until author Leonard Delaney wrote a short tale of debauchery centered around that lovable (READ: Well Bent) paperclip.

CONQUERED BY CLIPPY grabbed news feed headlines recently based upon it's unusual character choice. We are happy to have a little discussion with the genius behind CONQUERED BY CLIPPY, Leonard Delaney. And in true Books, Beer and BLOGshit style, he provided us with an interview not soon to be forgotten.

So let's dip the tip of our clip into the deepest crevasse of Leonard Delaney's testosterone fueled imagination to find out how the greatest story ever told came to be.

The BLOGshit: Leonard, you are getting a lot of attention over your latest story, CONQUERED BY CLIPPY, a purported erotic romp tale with the infamous paperclip shaped desktop assistant created by a software giant. How did you come to present such an unusual tale?

Leonard Delaney: I've had a relationship with Clippy for a long time. He still appears on my mom's computer, and she yells and screams at him, but I'm kinda jealous because I upgraded my computer and now Clippy doesn't visit me any more. Maybe Conquered by Clippy was my way of continuing my journey with him, in some small way.

The BLOGshit: Do you write erotica exclusively? Are all your erotic tales a bit left of center or do you also write more straight-laced erotic stories as well?
Leonard Delaney: I think I'm just writing what everybody else is thinking. Most people act straight-laced on the outside, but inside they're a tangled, sloppy mess. What I'm doing is grabbing one end of that convoluted lace and pulling on it. Just to see what happens. I may do that in other genres than erotica, but I dunno, people seem to like sex. I've had sex. It's a hell of a thing.

The BLOGshit: CONQUERED BY CLIPPY has garnered wide spread internet attention, getting coverage on such outlets as Gizmodo, CNET, and The Mirror UK just to name a few. Did you do anything to help get the ball rolling on this attention or is it all purely viral?
Leonard Delaney: A bit of both. I got the ball rolling by creating this high-quality promotional image and tweeting it: . I asked people to retweet it, because a good way to make something viral is to ask for it to go viral. But I can pinpoint the exact moment that it actually took off: when science fiction author Charles Stross (@cstross) retweeted it and commented on it. He has a lot of followers, and some of them have lots of followers, so it made the rounds and many cool people wrote about it.

The BLOGshit: CONQUERED BY CLIPPY is actually the second book in the Digital Desires series (the first is an erotic encounter with Tetris Blocks), how many more books are going to be in the series and can you reveal any other digital entities that may titillate us in the future?
Leonard Delaney: Just today I released Invaded by the iWatch. It's the third in the series, completing a trilogy with a natural story arc. There is a surprise ending that I think really puts the future of the Digital Desires universe in question. I do think there are more stories to be told there, but the characters have really taken on a life of their own; I am powerless to determine their future. Only real writers would understand, you know?

The BLOGshit: Do you think there is any legitimate 'jacking' or 'jilling' going on when people read CLIPPY or any of your other erotic adventures?
Leonard Delaney: I think people can masturbate to anything. Earlier today I heard someone with a really nice voice, and I said to myself "put that voice in the spank bank, because later you're going to be making imaginary love to a disembodied voice somehow." So yeah, I think bodily fluids have been spilled in the name of Clippy.

The BLOGshit: In your everyday life, do you consider yourself a pervert or would nobody expect you to be the man behind the Digital Desires series?
Leonard Delaney: I tried to tell the lady at the variety store about my books but I'm not sure if she didn't believe me or if she didn't speak English.
The BLOGshit: You're Canadian. Are Canadians into sex with intangible digital objects? Is this something we Americans should be aware of so that we can have a healthier fear of our brothers to the north?
Leonard Delaney: What I think is scary is that Americans don't have ketchup potato chips. How can anyone who has never felt the crusty red touch of a ketchup chip ever know true love? I implore all Americans to fully engage with a ketchup potato chip. It's not weird ... shhh, no it's not ... just see how it feels.

The BLOGshit: The work you have available on is mostly very short fiction. They range from 10 - 50 pages in length. Do you have plans to write more novel or novella length stories or do you think you will remain in the short story realm?
Leonard Delaney: I think erotica works well in a shorter form. However, I'm in the development stages of a romance novel, which will benefit from more character development and giving the plot room to breathe. It's called SPACE DENTIST GANGBANG.
The BLOGshit: Your publisher, Forest City Pulp, represents itself as a publisher of provocative fiction. You seem to be the erotica arm of the press. How did you come to work with Forest City Pulp or are you part creator of the press?
Leonard Delaney: I'm one of the founders, along with Phronk and Cal Chayce. I'd like to point out that Cal Chayce just released his first novel, Victor of Circumstance, through FCP, and he is a fantastic writer who tells real stories that are both touching and hilarious. Unlike my bullshit, his work should be widely read and appreciated.

A few other authors have shown interest too, and one of them writes filthy erotica involving humans, of all things. So stay tuned for that.
The BLOGshit: Lastly, are you French Canadian? Is that where all the sexy drips from?
Leonard Delaney: In my opinion, all Canadians are French Canadian. Their sex splashes throughout the country like maple syrup spurts from the top of a powerful oak tree. Was my dad French? Was your dad French? Nobody can ever really know.

Conquered By Clippy on Amazon

Twitter: @Leonard_Delaney***

So, do you dare give into your desires? Are you willing to relinquish control and be CONQUERED BY CLIPPY? Go on, I won't tell. It will be our little secret.

It feels good to be naughty, doesn't it?

Monday, March 9, 2015

Sin Shitty: An Interview With The Creators of Hollywood Hellmouth

You're reading Books, Beer and BLOGshit! It's the only blog that uses both sides of the toilet paper when it wipes! I am your crappy blog host, Mr. Frank.

The BLOGshit has been dormant for awhile. What better way to revive it once more than with a four-way interview? The BLOGshit is taking Armand Rosamilia, Jack Wallan, Brent Abell and Jay Wilburn to task. They've collaborated on a weird horror piece called HOLLYWOOD HELLMOUTH. 

The BLOGshit has gotten a sneak peek at the book and we think they have some explaining to do. We could tell you that HOLLYWOOD HELLMOUTH is a story of broken Hollywood dreams. We could tell you it's filled with a menagerie of grotesque and odd monstrosities. We might even spoil it a tad and tell you a Velvet Elvis figures into the whole shebang.

But instead, we figured we'd get the dimented creators to do it themselves. They are the responsible parties, let them get arrested for the insanity that is... HOLLYWOOD HELLMOUTH.

Shall we?

The BLOGshit: You are all notably zombie writers, what brought you all together for this project? 

Brent Abell: Greed, I mean the desire to work with Armand again. I've worked with him on 

a couple of projects and have had a really great time doing so. I've been in a few anthologies with 

Jay and we run around in the same twisted circles, but our paths had never crossed until the first 

Imaginarium con in Louisville last year. It was at the same con I met Jack for the first time and 

the four of us hung out and discussed doing the same thing at MidSouthCon and Imaginarium 

again this year. Then the conversation started about a project together... 

Jack Wallen: I blame the booze. Oh wait, I don’t drink. Okay, I blame the rest of the guys 

getting face-planting drunk, tying me down, and insisting I play along – else they’ll tell my wife 

bad, bad things. Actually, it seemed to be the logical thing. We were all planning out our 

domination of MidSouthCon when someone had the brilliant idea of round-robining a novella. 

There was no hemming or hawing – we all immediately agreed it was the thing to do.

Jay Wilburn: Armand is the lynchpin of our group. He is the center of our literary universe. 

He has the most gravity as measured by the laws of physics and spiritually. We were all at 

Imaginarium Con in Louisville and our collective work there as guests got us invited as guests to 

MidSouth Con in Memphis in March. We decided to put something special together for that 


Armand Rosamilia: I felt really sorry the other three guys aren’t as rich and famous as me. 

I remembered being a nobody (but always sexy and good-looking, luckily) so I threw them a 

literal and literary bone and enriched their lives, such as they are. Plus, I love two out of three of 



The BLOGshit: Where did the idea for Hollywood Hellmouth come from? Is anyone willing to take 


Jack: I said “I’ve always wanted to write a B-Horror kind of novel” and we took it from 

there. Of course, by B-Horror I didn’t think it would get so wonderfully odd. Am I glad it did? 

You betcha. There’s no way we could have written this piece as individuals.

Brent: It was supposed to be an ode to the B-movies we love, but honestly... I'm not sure 

what we did.  It began innocently enough as a book we could write and have it for the cons we 

were attending together in 2015. When the talks about sharing tables at the cons came up, I 

brought up our idea of doing a book together and the whole mess began. 

Armand: I will take full credit for the idea. Honestly, I wrote 99% of the book, too. Or 

maybe not. Who can say? I think jay Wilburn caqme up with the idea initially and we all took it 

up and ran with it. If this bombs I can distance myself from it but if it is gold I can say it was my 

Midas touch. Win/win for me. 

Jay: Armand first suggested we collaborate on something for MidSouth. Bad ideas tend to 

start with him. Brent remembered it just before the New Year and got the discussion going again. 

He usually keeps bad ideas going. We threw around a few story ideas, but it was Jack’s “B-

Movie Horror” starter that gave birth to what would be HOLLYWOOD HELLMOUTH. I was 

supposed to be the voice of reason, but failed miserably.


The BLOGshit: What was the inspiration for the Velvet Elvis character? 

Jay: I think Velvet Elvis first came up in one of my rounds. Back then, he was just a picture 

of the King with a little wiggle in his frame. Growing up in the South through the 70’s and 80’s, 

velvet Elvis portraits were a staple in white trash homes and every roadside vendor. There used 

to be a lot more roadside vendors before you could get Velvet Elvis’s online. That’s what’s 

wrong with America these days: not enough velvet or Elvis in our lives anymore.

Armand: I really have no idea. By the time I came in these clowns had already desecrated 

The King and forced me to keep it going. I am still disgusted how easily they can tear down our 

idols and the fabric of our society. 

Jack: Doesn’t every novel have a Velvet Elvis character? I thought it was required for all 

novels? Honestly, every bit of madness to enter this novel just happened – there was no 


Brent: This is one I'm not taking credit for. When the next round was taking place and the 

manuscript came back to me, it was there and it just got worse from there for the Velvet 

Elvis. MidSouthCon (where the book is debuting) is in Memphis, so having Elvis in the book 

was a natural fit. His estate might disagree and we might not be allowed in Graceland, but it 

worked for us.


The BLOGshit: What was the collaborative process like for Hollywood Hellmouth? Where there any 

positives working with so many other writers? What type of obstacles did you have? 

Armand: I loved not discussing anything happening as we went along. You simply got the 

book back after the other three guys had written their chapters and had to keep the story 

going. And top what came before, which was the ultimate challenge. 

Jay: I think it was net positive for all of us. It moved fast and demanded creativity out of 

each of us. Looking back, I think it was guaranteed that what we created together was going to 

be something wild. As an individual in the group, you couldn’t hold too tightly to your own 

concept of what the story was nor where it was going. You had to be willing to take the other 

authors’ visions and move the action with what they gave. Each author had to be conscious of 

handing off the baton in mid run. I think it became something different than any one of us would 

have created and it allowed us to be different than our usual styles.

Brent: We didn't discuss the plot or anything before hand. The first person wrote their piece 

and we passed it around until Armand ended it with the epilogue. There were no plans for it and 

as we received the manuscript, we had no idea what the three people did to the story before we 

got it back. It was fun to see how each person brought something different and unique to the 

story. It's also pretty positive to finish a book and only had to write a quarter of it. The only 

obstacle was figuring out how to top the previous chapters when it was your turn again. I admit, I 

had trouble writing a story like this, I'd never done one in a horror/comedy kind of way, but once 

I felt more comfortable with it, it flowed easier.  

Jack: It was a pure joy. Part of the fun was writing a chapter in such a way just to see what 

the next man up would do with it. Turns out, when you unleash the imaginations of four twisted 

writers, all hell will in fact break loose. Honestly, there were no obstacles... there were only 

pulses. Four unique voices working on a single story and taking in places not one of us would 

have thought to imagine individually. How could there possibly be hurdles with that? 


The BLOGshit: Can any of you see yourselves collaborating on further projects? 

Brent: Oh yeah. Working with the other three was a blast and we've become pretty good 

friends. I can see this happening from time to time when we get bored or when Armand needs a 


Jack: Well, we’ve planned this out as a trilogy, so we’ll definitely venture back into 

Solomon’s world at least two more times. Outside of that? Who knows. The other guys are really 

great to work with and I felt honored (and just a little dirty) working with them … so I certainly 

wouldn’t be averse to further collaborations.

Jay: Absolutely. Jack has already cooked up a cool zombie thing that is pulling in a number 

of other authors too. HOLLYWOOD HELLMOUTH itself is shaping up to be the first in a 

trilogy of books. We are already looking ahead at another joint convention appearance that 

should correspond chronologically with a release of the third book.

Armand: I’ll definitely work with the three of them again and hopefully not only on 

finishing this trilogy. It’s funny, because individually I hate all three with a passion, but the four 

of us together… magic. 


The BLOGshit: How likely are you to dabble in this kind of crazy horror again? 

Jack: I’ll do it again, for sure. I had a lot of fun with it. I’ve always wanted to push myself 

to see just how far I can twist and bend a story like this. The piece I’m doing now is sort of along 

the same lines … minus the poo (the book isn’t finished yet, so there’s still time).

Brent: My wife denies knowing me after reading the book, but I'll live and will dabble in 

the sub-genre again. It was fun to take a break from the normal stuff and cut loose with the other 

three guys on such a crazy book. I like crazy... 

Armand: Oh, definitely. It was even more fun than I thought it would be. I skirt the line 

often in my work but this was on the other side and I liked it. A lot. Maybe too much. 

Jay: It is almost guaranteed at this point. I got a lot from this personally. Having four people 

involved in the process of putting together and putting out a book has been great. This seems to 

be the direction the four of us working together leads. Horror and humor may be our collective 



The BLOGshit: Who amongst you is the craziest? 

Jay: It may have to be Armand by default. He’s settling down more now though. I mean, I 

haven’t killed and disposed of a body in months and Armand was around for that too. Jack 

and Brent lead pretty responsible lives. Armand still hangs out with midget porn stars and he 

lives in Florida. You know what that place is like.

Armand: Honestly, the only reason I did this project was because the three of them are more 

than likely to eventually end up in a bell tower with a high-powered rifle shooting at hookers, 

and I want them to think I was always in their corner. So they don’t shoot the hookers I will 

eventually kill and bury on me own. 

Jack: Good gravy, that’s like asking which of the cat family is the most adorable or which 

politician can you trust the least! I might have to say Armand, otherwise he’ll beat me up. 

Brent: All of us. Someone trying to get us to choose the craziest opens the door to all sorts 

of weird stuff better left unsaid and behind closed doors. 


The BLOGshit: Who amongst you is most likely to get scared and run away? 

Armand: Either Jack or Jay. They aren’t exactly manly dudes. Nothing personal. And Brent 

and I seem way too lazy to run. 

Jay: I want to say Brent, but for all our lack of exercise, we are all pretty much scared 

runners. I used to say I’d only run if someone was chasing me, but I wouldn’t even run then. 

That has more to do with laziness than courage though.

Brent: Jay, hands down. Or Jack. When you look at Armand and myself, it's obvious we 

don't run at all. 

Jack: Brent. He carries a blanket around and sucks his thumb. But Jay does have that “look” 

in his eyes, like any moment he’ll bolt. If I tossed a bag of M&Ms off a cliff, Armand would 

dash off.

The BLOGshit: How did you develop some of the off-the-wall creatures found in Hollywood 


Brent: I think most of it stemmed from the desire to be as crazy and disgusting as 

possible. Stuff like that happens when you mix Hollywood, Hell, and demons. There were also 

times where we would discuss stuff on-line and some of the creatures ended up in the story (like 

Hollywood stars of various heights). The rest was everybody trying to top the others in the gross 

monster game. 

Jack: It’s all about height. And bringing things to life that wouldn’t normally be, like a 

toilet. Annnnd … we’re back to poo. This book really was all about the unexpected and what 

could the unexpected do and be to help push a plot forward. Nothing was off limits – not even 

The King himself. At some point, at least for me, it became about figuring out what people in 

real life would be funny at a particular height – or bringing old television crushes back to life in a 

deadly way.

Jay: These were byproducts of the collaboration. Solomon, the narrator, became flawed and 

unreliable pretty early, so that opened the world up a lot. The quirky insanity developed from one 

author introducing a character or scene and another author running with it into something more. 

Jack likes to kill and hurt things, so that created some interesting development with the story and 


Armand: Most of it was pretty natural. In a couple of my chapters I got to introduce what I 

thought would be a minor character, only to see them become an intricate part of the plot my 

next time around, while other characters I thought were going to be big got left behind. It was 

fun trying to keep up with everyone else and see what twisted things we could do. 


The BLOGshit: What are the chances we can expect a sequel? 

Jack: Like The Matrix, this will be a trilogy. Why a trilogy? Because things are funny in 

threes. The law of comedy.

Brent: It's Hollywood, so you'll either get a sequel or a reboot!

Armand: There is no chance we’ll see another word of this crap… unless it sells and we 

make a ton of cash. And then the trilogy will become eight to ten books and a line of action 


Jay: Oh, we’re talking 99% sure. We are in double dose of Measles vaccine sure. We’re 

talking condom with a birth control pill combo numbers. I’m as sure as Armand dragging us to a 

White Castle is sure.

So, there they are. The four responsible parties for HOLLYWOOD HELLMOUTH. That interview is every indication of the type of humor that gets pumped into this twisted tale. This is not the next great American novel, nor is anyone expecting it to be. But, just like a lady of the night, you can be sure to  take this one home and have yourself a good time for a few hours. Reading HOLLYWOOD HELLMOUTH is a victimless crime.

HOLLYWOOD HELLMOUTH will be available everywhere on Friday. March 13th (get it?) and if you are attending MidSouth Con on March 20th, be sure to hunt down Jack, Jay, Armand and Brent and get them to sign your copy in person!  Just watch what type of ink they use. Eww!

Jack Wallen

Jay Wilburn

Brent Abell
Armand Rosamilia