Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Do Paperclips Have Scrotums?

You're reading Books, Beer and BLOGshit! It's the only blog that's insists it's office equipment wear a condom! I am your blog host, Mr. Frank!

I think we've landed the interview of the century here on the BLOGshit. Recently an Amazon erotica title gained viral attention across the social medias and then some all because of the main character, Clippy. Clippy is that lovable (READ: obnoxious) paperclip with eyes that gave you tons of obvious advice when using Microsoft Office products. But that's all we knew about Clippy until author Leonard Delaney wrote a short tale of debauchery centered around that lovable (READ: Well Bent) paperclip.

CONQUERED BY CLIPPY grabbed news feed headlines recently based upon it's unusual character choice. We are happy to have a little discussion with the genius behind CONQUERED BY CLIPPY, Leonard Delaney. And in true Books, Beer and BLOGshit style, he provided us with an interview not soon to be forgotten.

So let's dip the tip of our clip into the deepest crevasse of Leonard Delaney's testosterone fueled imagination to find out how the greatest story ever told came to be.

The BLOGshit: Leonard, you are getting a lot of attention over your latest story, CONQUERED BY CLIPPY, a purported erotic romp tale with the infamous paperclip shaped desktop assistant created by a software giant. How did you come to present such an unusual tale?

Leonard Delaney: I've had a relationship with Clippy for a long time. He still appears on my mom's computer, and she yells and screams at him, but I'm kinda jealous because I upgraded my computer and now Clippy doesn't visit me any more. Maybe Conquered by Clippy was my way of continuing my journey with him, in some small way.

The BLOGshit: Do you write erotica exclusively? Are all your erotic tales a bit left of center or do you also write more straight-laced erotic stories as well?
Leonard Delaney: I think I'm just writing what everybody else is thinking. Most people act straight-laced on the outside, but inside they're a tangled, sloppy mess. What I'm doing is grabbing one end of that convoluted lace and pulling on it. Just to see what happens. I may do that in other genres than erotica, but I dunno, people seem to like sex. I've had sex. It's a hell of a thing.

The BLOGshit: CONQUERED BY CLIPPY has garnered wide spread internet attention, getting coverage on such outlets as Gizmodo, CNET, and The Mirror UK just to name a few. Did you do anything to help get the ball rolling on this attention or is it all purely viral?
Leonard Delaney: A bit of both. I got the ball rolling by creating this high-quality promotional image and tweeting it: . I asked people to retweet it, because a good way to make something viral is to ask for it to go viral. But I can pinpoint the exact moment that it actually took off: when science fiction author Charles Stross (@cstross) retweeted it and commented on it. He has a lot of followers, and some of them have lots of followers, so it made the rounds and many cool people wrote about it.

The BLOGshit: CONQUERED BY CLIPPY is actually the second book in the Digital Desires series (the first is an erotic encounter with Tetris Blocks), how many more books are going to be in the series and can you reveal any other digital entities that may titillate us in the future?
Leonard Delaney: Just today I released Invaded by the iWatch. It's the third in the series, completing a trilogy with a natural story arc. There is a surprise ending that I think really puts the future of the Digital Desires universe in question. I do think there are more stories to be told there, but the characters have really taken on a life of their own; I am powerless to determine their future. Only real writers would understand, you know?

The BLOGshit: Do you think there is any legitimate 'jacking' or 'jilling' going on when people read CLIPPY or any of your other erotic adventures?
Leonard Delaney: I think people can masturbate to anything. Earlier today I heard someone with a really nice voice, and I said to myself "put that voice in the spank bank, because later you're going to be making imaginary love to a disembodied voice somehow." So yeah, I think bodily fluids have been spilled in the name of Clippy.

The BLOGshit: In your everyday life, do you consider yourself a pervert or would nobody expect you to be the man behind the Digital Desires series?
Leonard Delaney: I tried to tell the lady at the variety store about my books but I'm not sure if she didn't believe me or if she didn't speak English.
The BLOGshit: You're Canadian. Are Canadians into sex with intangible digital objects? Is this something we Americans should be aware of so that we can have a healthier fear of our brothers to the north?
Leonard Delaney: What I think is scary is that Americans don't have ketchup potato chips. How can anyone who has never felt the crusty red touch of a ketchup chip ever know true love? I implore all Americans to fully engage with a ketchup potato chip. It's not weird ... shhh, no it's not ... just see how it feels.

The BLOGshit: The work you have available on is mostly very short fiction. They range from 10 - 50 pages in length. Do you have plans to write more novel or novella length stories or do you think you will remain in the short story realm?
Leonard Delaney: I think erotica works well in a shorter form. However, I'm in the development stages of a romance novel, which will benefit from more character development and giving the plot room to breathe. It's called SPACE DENTIST GANGBANG.
The BLOGshit: Your publisher, Forest City Pulp, represents itself as a publisher of provocative fiction. You seem to be the erotica arm of the press. How did you come to work with Forest City Pulp or are you part creator of the press?
Leonard Delaney: I'm one of the founders, along with Phronk and Cal Chayce. I'd like to point out that Cal Chayce just released his first novel, Victor of Circumstance, through FCP, and he is a fantastic writer who tells real stories that are both touching and hilarious. Unlike my bullshit, his work should be widely read and appreciated.

A few other authors have shown interest too, and one of them writes filthy erotica involving humans, of all things. So stay tuned for that.
The BLOGshit: Lastly, are you French Canadian? Is that where all the sexy drips from?
Leonard Delaney: In my opinion, all Canadians are French Canadian. Their sex splashes throughout the country like maple syrup spurts from the top of a powerful oak tree. Was my dad French? Was your dad French? Nobody can ever really know.

Conquered By Clippy on Amazon

Twitter: @Leonard_Delaney***

So, do you dare give into your desires? Are you willing to relinquish control and be CONQUERED BY CLIPPY? Go on, I won't tell. It will be our little secret.

It feels good to be naughty, doesn't it?

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