Summer Of Zombie Blog Tour 2015: Claire C. Riley

You're reading Books, Beer and BLOGshit! It's the only blog that saves the best for last! I am your succulent host, Mr. Frank!

This is it. June has come to an end and so has the Summer of Zombie Blog Tour. It's been a hell of a ride. We've spoke to more zombies than we can shake a rotting limb at. We're read essays defending the zombie genre. We managed to get a drinking game or two in and we've read some exellent stories from zombies on summer vacation.

To end this shebang, we've saved our favorite submission for last. Claire C. Riley provided us with an exclusive piece entitled, "My Summer Apocolypse". It is a one of a kind What I Did On My Zombie Summer Vacation Piece.  We hope you enjoy reading it as much as we did.

And before we get started with the end, I'd like to thank each and every zombie author who contributed to the festival of the dead. We had a blast spotlighting you all and we hope we've helped connect you with a new reader or two.  Until next summer, we leave you with Claire C. Riley...

Brainz. Brainz. Brainz. 

That’s all anyone ever thinks we zombies think about. It’s quite presumptuous and insulting 
really. When I was alive, I was a tit man. Nothing like a good ole’ pair of titties to put a smile 
on my face. Summertime was my favorite season of the year. You know why? Because women love flashing all their junk as soon as they see a little bit of sunshine, and I was always on hand to offer them a free ogle.

But brainz? Nah, never thought much about brainz.

I don’t really know when it happened, the whole zombie thing, but my last thought was of titties. A big pair of bouncing titties in a tiny string bikini. She was jogging along the each
like she was on a Baywatch commercial. Titties bouncing, blond hair flapping around behind her, firm ass that I wanted to cup my hand over, and I was practically salivating, hiding behind my RayBans as I watched her.

Yeah, my last thoughts were damn good ones.

My first thought wasn’t so good.

Pain like you wouldn’t believe flared inside of me. It was like being beaten with a baseball bat with six inch nails protruding out of it. So yeah, that pretty much sucked. I remember screaming and not recognizing my own voice. I remember my blood covering my hands, and the red crimson tide lapping over my feet. It was majorly fucked up if I’m honest. Like tripping but without the comedown.

It hurt to sit it, but I dealt with that, gritting my teeth and forcing my body to move. God damn I felt angry though, and hungry. The last thing I ate was a hotdog and I was pretty sure it was only an hour or so ago, but it felt like a lifetime. I looked around me, wondering what the hell had just happened, the pain in my body was subsiding, and I had a feeling that the hotdog must have been bad, because my guts were churning something rotten. Still, when I saw that big tittied woman, crawling along the beach and sobbing, I pushed my bad guts to one side and stood up, intending to be her knight in shining armor.

Her eyes were wide with fear when they saw me, and I scratched at my beard, feeling the bristles spiking my fingertips. She wasn’t as pretty up close, but her body was bangin’ either way, so I focused on that instead.

She smelled like coconuts and mojitos. 

I smiled at her and held a hand out to help her up, but the crazy bitch started screaming and backing away like I was some crazy assed serial killer. I knelt down next to her, intending to calm her down and basically shut the hell up, but the smell of coconuts was growing even stronger and making my guts twist painfully.

I knew I needed to get away, if I didn’t I was definitely gonna’ shit myself, but damn it’s hard when there’s a semi-naked woman in front of you. 

I’m not sure what really happened next, it’s a bit of a blur, so you’ll have to excuse my shitty memory. There was blood. I remember that much. Lots and lots of blood. And then I was chewing on gristle, and I remember wondering if I had spewed my guts up in my mouth after all, because there was the rankest taste in my mouth.

I spat out whatever I was chewing on and looked down at the woman with the big titties and saw that her chest was an explosion of red. And what looked like an implant was hanging half inside and half outside her body. I grimaced and stood up, backing away from her in disgust.

I didn’t know what the hell was going on with this bitch, but all I really wanted to do was get the hell away from her.I turned and staggered away, my guts still churning and my head spinning from what just happened. I glanced back several times trying to work out if I had done that, but then something else caught my eye.

A beautiful brunette in a pink bathing suit running along the shoreline. She was screaming something fierce, her hair whipping about her face, but all I could focus in on was her big ole’ titties bouncing around.

I stumbled after her, eager to help, or do whatever needed to be done, to get a taste of those big titties of hers.

My summer was pretty awesome when I think back to it. No complaints from me. Well, apart from my guts still feel awful and I think I just shit myself again.


Claire C. Riley

Zombie Author Claire C. Riley

Claire C. Riley is a bestselling British horror writer whose work is best described as the modernization of classic, old-school horror. She fuses multi-genre elements to develop storylines that pay homage to cult classics while still feeling fresh and cutting edge. She writes characters that are realistic, and kills them without mercy. Claire lives in the United Kingdom with her husband, three daughters, and one scruffy dog.

Author of the bestselling Odium The Dead Saga Series, Thicker Than Blood, Limerence, plus much more.

Contact Links:

www.clairecriley.com

www.facebook.com/ClaireCRileyAuthor

http://amzn.to/1GDpF3I

Here's a picture of a zombie queen for no particular reason.

Summer of Zombie Blog Tour 2015: Julianne Snow

You're reading Books, Beer and BLOGshit! It's the penultimate blog on the interwebs! I am your next to last host, Mr. Frank!

This also happens to be the penultimate blog on the Summer of Zombie Blog Tour for 2015. Author Julianne Snow drags her zombie in, kicking and screaming, for an interview with Books, Beer and BLOGshit. The zombie almost devoured me, so instead we just let Julianne take care of things herself.

Most zombies don't enjoy the interview and I can't say that I blame them. I'd rather be eating people too. Wait, I wasn't supposed to say that. Please, don't alert the authorities, instead read this interview with Julianne Snow's zombie, William McShane.

Julianne: Today I’m joined by William McShane, a legendary ladies man who died in the twilight of his life, who gets to live on even in death. How’d you become a zombie?

William McShane: I died. It’s pretty simple really. I drank too much, smoked too much, had sex like I was still a teenager—something was bound to do me in eventually.
Besides, everyone becomes a zombie when they die—it inevitable. Did you really think that life would be over once your heart stopped beating?

Julianne: Would you rather be alive again?

McShane: Maybe, I mean the ladies are a little turned off by the whole dead thing but when you’ve got the kind of ‘skills’ I’ve got, the ladies aren’t turned off for long… If you get my meaning… *McShane winks, his face breaking into a cheeky grin*

Julianne: What do the brains taste like anyway?

McShane: Who the hell eats brains? C’mon, we zombies have gotten such a bad rap over the years. We don’t eat brains… in fact, we really don’t need to eat after death. I doubt that’ll stop me though.

Hey, you’re a pretty thing, wanna grab a drink later? I’ll can show you what I like to eat…

*McShane winks suggestively*

Julianne: Does everything stiffen up from the Rigor Mortis?

McShane: It does for a few hours but after that you’ll need a little help. You know how the living have the ‘little blue pill’? Well, the dead have the “little green pill’ and I’ve already got my first prescription filled. Now I just need someone willing to test them out…

*Another wink and a few kisses blow in my direction*

Julianne: If you could eat anyone, who would it be?

McShane: By now, I think that would be obvious…

Zombie Author Julianne Snow

Julianne Snow is the author of the Days with the Undead series and Glimpses of the Undead. She is the founder of Zombieholics Anonymous and the Co-Founder and Publicist at Sirens Call Publications. Writing in the realms of speculative fiction, Julianne has roots that go deep into horror and is a member of the Horror Writers Association. With pieces of short fiction in various publications, Julianne always has a few surprises up her sleeves. Be sure to check out The Carnival 13, a collaborative round-robin novella for charity which she contributed to and helped to spearhead which was released in October 2013.

Social Media Links:

Twitter: @CdnZmbiRytr

Facebook: Julianne Snow

FB Fan Page: Julianne Snow, Author, Days with the Undead, & Zombieholics Anonymous

Amazon Author Page: Julianne Snow

Goodreads: Julianne Snow

Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/cdnzmbirytr/

Google+: Julianne Snow

Blogs: Days with the Undead, The FlipSide of Julianne & Zombieholics Anonymous

Synopsis:

It’s a journal of survival.

Five people set out to escape the Undead who have risen too close to home. Join the emotional and physical struggle as they began on the third day after the awakening of Brooks VanReit, as they are recorded from the point of view of Julie, a former pathologist and part-time survivalist.

Each entry is geared toward helping those who want to help themselves and maybe give a few that don’t a swift kick in the ass. Join our group of survivors on their journey through these Days with the Undead.

Here is a picture of a barracuda for no particular reason.

Summer of Zombie Blog Tour 2015: Justin Coke

You're reading Books Beer and BLOGshit! It's the only blog that likes to drink out back behind the high school with all the cool kids. I am your delinquent host, Mr. Frank!

Justin Coke up to bat at the BLOGshit today. There is a joke in his name somewhere I assure you but we are just going to leave that one alone. I'm sure he's heard it all before.

Justin fed us his zombie to interview. The zombie is kinda funny. Almost as funny as a bad Justin Coke name joke. Almost.

Keep all your appendages behind the bars please and no feeding the zombies during the entirety of the interview. And here we go!

A Justin Coke. Get it? Get it!

How’d you become a zombie?

Chad put a severed head in my sleeping bag as a prank. Got a hunk of my calf. I was pretty pissed so I lied about getting bit. Then I ate him the next night. GG, Chad.

Would you rather be alive again?

Well, it had its perks. But I don’t have to worry about how I’m going to pay my cell phone bill, or getting bowel cancer, or global warming or any of that shit. Dealing with the opposite sex has never been easier. It’s like being on vacation in Eureka Springs all the time. Could it be better? Yeah. But it could be a lot worse. So I guess it depends on what kind of life you mean.


What do brains taste like anyway?

Imagine boiled cauliflower. Now imagine it tastes like spicy tuna. That’s some good brains.


If you could eat anyone, who could it be?
Bea Arthur.


Does everything stiffen up with rigor mortis?

Nah. All my blood is in my feet. But if you want to, I'll take off my pants and we can see what happens.

Zombie Author, Diet Justin Coke

Buy A Justin Coke Book Today! 

Here's a picture of Lil' Sweet for No Particular Reason

Summer of Zombie Blog Tour 2015: Jolie Du Pre

You're reading Books, Beer and BLOGshit! it's the only blog that thinks the summer is going bye way too fast. I am your fun-in-the-sun host, Mr. Frank!

Mondays seem like the perfect day for reflection. A day for poignancy. Monday seems like the perfect day to unleash zombie author, Jolie Du Pre on your asses!

She's written a strongly worded essay defending the current cluttony of books in zombie fiction. It's well thought out and very insightful. This is a rally cry for the zombie genre.

So please enjoy Ms. Du Pre's essay entitled, "The Current Zombie Phenomenon Is Just Fine, Thank You."

Before I published the first book in my zombie series, I saw that various authors (most not involved in the zombie genre) declaring the zombie market is over-saturated. Had I absorbed what these people said and, therefore, let it stop me, I would never have written my three zombie books.

I'm glad I didn't listen to them. At my age, I trust my instincts first. My instincts told me that the zombie genre was far from dead. (Well, it's dead but not that kind of dead.)

We who love zombie movies, and zombie books, and zombie video games, and zombieTV shows like "The Walking Dead," and zombie t-shirts, and zombie jewelry, and zombie garden gnomes, and zombie fill-in-the-blank, don't need a "new movement."

We're just fine with the way things are.

That's why the current zombie phenomenon in popular culture is still thriving. Real zombie fans, not fair-weather zombie fans, support it. We like what we see, and we want
to see more of it.

Sure there are some episodes of "The Walking Dead" that could benefit from a do-over,
but that's okay. And sure there are some zombie books with zero creativity, but that's okay too. We love it all, and we accept the good with the bad.

What I’m about to say may offend some people, but, oh well . . .

I find that there are two types of people who complain about the current zombie phenomenon.

1. I Hate Zombies
These are the people who can't stand zombies, who cover their eyes at the sight of blood and gore, who have never seen an episode of "The Walking Dead," and who have never read a zombie book. Yet, these people feel like they're authorities on the zombie movement. They scream that they're tired of zombies even though they couldn't care less about zombies and never have.

2. My Zombie Story Is Better Than Your Zombie Story or The Zombie Snob
These are people who believe their zombie stories are legitimate because they're "original," even though readers reject these "masterpieces" in favor of the tried and true.
These are the people who are pissed off that their zombie books aren't selling and are jealous that the "non-original" (according to them) zombie books are selling. They are the ones who complain about "The Walking Dead," in favor of zombie shows that don't have half the audience attention. Because, of course, those zombie TV shows are "original." They don't want to accept that many readers aren't interested in the "original," and the literary, and the intellectual. They want the typical blood and guts zombie story.

My Benton zombie books have been accused of being just another "Walking Dead" type scenario - people traveling around trying to survive the zombies. But you know what?

Readers like that, and in my writing life, the reader is my ultimate judge. I'm no best-seller, but there has not been ONE day that my zombie books have not sold at least one copy a day since I published the first one back in May 2014. (That's good given that many self-published authors barely sell any books.)

My zombie books were my first self-published books after my many years of being with traditional publishers, and I'm pleased with the result.

Jolie is a full-time author, article writer, blogger, and monster lover. Her zombie books include:
(Dystopian/New Adult/Romance)
Benton: A Zombie Novel, Volume One
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00KFPP3Q6

Benton: A Zombie Novel, Volume Two
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00M99H76U

Benton: A Zombie Novel, Volume Three
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00UACUHBA


Jolie at Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/joliedupreauthor

Jolie at Twitter - https://twitter.com/Joliedupre

Jolie's Website - http://www.joliedupre.com

Jolie's Blog - http://www.preciousmonsters.com

Summer of Zombie Blog Tour 2015: Alessia Giacomi

You're reading Books, Beer and BLOGshit! Its the only blog that likes a nice spicey meatball! I am your Italian Stallion host, Mr. Frank!

All the great zombie writers are Italian, no? Yes! Take Alessia Giacomi for example, if that name isn't Italian you can wrap me up like a braciole and feed me to the Morti Viventi (thats Italian for The Living Dead.) So be nice to Alessia, she comes from a long line of great Italian zombie writers stretching all the way back to the old country. She's like a made writer. A friend of ours. Dat kinda ting. Fuhgeddaboudit.

Basta! Onto the interview with Alessia Giacomi's zombie. Pass the gravy, please.

Q & A with Eve Brenner, fictional star of the Zombie Girl Saga

How’d you become a zombie?
I would like to say it happened when I was trying to save someone from a vicious zombie attack, but really it was my dumb fault. I decided to explore a closed off tomb in Egypt on my own, it was dark, it felt all kinds of wrong to be down there, but did I turn back? No…Instead I ventured deeper into the tombs and found something lurking down there in the dark. It attacked me before I even knew what hit me, or correction…bit me…

Would you rather be alive again?
The simple answer is yes…I would do anything to be alive again. I’m still hoping to find a cure for this. I don’t enjoy eating people, especially the part where I can’t remember who I ate. I sort of blackout and go on autopilot, so good luck if you’re around me when I’m hungry.

What do the brains taste like anyway?
Ugh…unfortunately they’re delicious, probably one of the best parts next to cheek meat on the face. Brains are like bacon wrapped steak, just absolutely satisfying…if you’re a bacon-a-holic, then you might know exactly how I feel when I eat brains.

Does everything stiffen up from the Rigor Mortis?
Haven’t gotten that far yet, I’m not really sure how this will all turn out. This is a very different kind of zombie virus. I die in some ways, but I also have some interesting powers. This virus isn’t man made, I fear it might be something ancient and evil. I may not have a heartbeat, and I may eat people, but I still seem fairly human at the moment. I’m stronger these days, and can somehow heal rapidly. Not sure how long this will last though…

If you could eat anyone, who would it be?
I usually just stick to bad people if I can…not that I can always control it. If I can at least stick to eating evil people and ridding the world of them, then perhaps this zombie thing ain’t all that bad. Can I be a Zombie Superhero perhaps? Or Zombie Dexter? It would be nice to have some purpose again.

Kinda Italian Zombie Writer Alessia Giacomi

See that? Only the best stuff comes from the Italian zombie writers. Oh, by the way, I don't think Alessia is from Italy. I think she's from Canada. Do they have pizzarias in Canada? While I ponder that, you ponder on these links for Alessia Giacomi.

Blog: www.poeticzombie.com

FB: https://www.facebook.com/agiacomi

Twitter: https://twitter.com/thepoeticzombie

Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/13311317.A_Giacomi

Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/A.-Giacomi/e/B00SUFK4Z8

Here is a picture of a funny dog for no particular reason.

Summer of Zombie Blog Tour 2015: J.E. Gurley

You're reading Books, Beer and BLOGshit! Its the only blog that knows that beer before liquor, never sicker. I am you shit faced host, Mr. Frank!

Today we feature the final option for the years blog posts that we've yet to unleash upon you. Author J.E. Gurley brings us the inaugural presentation of the zombie drinking game! He was supposed to base the drinking game around one of his zombie fiction series or just off the characteristics of his zombies. Instead he went right for the throat and hopes you will drink while taking out zombies in real life. So, uhhh, you may have to wait awhile before you can play along at home for this one.

Cheers!

Here is a drinking game I call Shot for Shot.


Rules: Shot for Shot


1. Two or more players each choose a zombie at a specified distance. On signal, they each fire.
Shooter whose dead zombie hits the ground first chooses liquor used for Shot for Shot game. Note: Zombie must be dead. A mere knockdown doesn't count.


2. In turn, players choose a target and fire. Ten second rule applies for targeting. Score is as follows:
Kill with a clean head shot - 3 points
Kill with an upper torso shot - 2 points

Head shot, no kill - 1 point
Body shot, no kill - 0 points
For a fast moving target, add 2 points to score.


3. 5 points earns shooter a shot of liquor.


4. When group total reaches 20 points, rules reverse. Next 5 points eliminates shooter from a drinking round, but all others must drink shots of liquor. Group total of 40 points reverses again.


5. First player to reach 60 points or highest score when liquor runs out wins.


6. Passing out is an immediate disqualification. Accidentally shooting another player or yourself is an immediate disqualification. In the vent of zombie attack and shooters must relocate, game is put on pause until a new location is secured.


Aim high - Shoot straight. Drink up.

Zombie Author J.E. Gurley

How'd you do? Are you still sober enough to read this? Perhaps you need to read on in the series and drinking something stronger than a Strawberry-Rita. Before you get totally inebriated, check out these links for J.E. Gurley


J.E. Gurley Web Site

J.E. Gurley on Amazon

J.E. Gurley on Goodreads

Here is a picture of a fuzzy ass bug for no particular reason

Summer of Zombie Blog Tour 2015: Mark Tufo

You're reading Books, Beer and BLOGshit! Its the only blog that has big guns! I am your high caliber blog host, Mr. Frank!

Today is a super special day on the BLOGshit. We have a Mark Tufo EXCLUSIVE! That's right, you're only going to be able to read this right here on Books, Beer and BLOGshit! One of the options we gave to the blog tour participants was to write a short piece about, "What I Did On My Zombie Summer Vacation." This was the option we were most hoping the writers would go with. Not many did but the ones we got are magnificent!

So here and here only, I present to you, Mark Tufo's What I Did On My Zombie Summer Vacation as told by Mark's nefarious zombie clown, Timmy!

Let 'er rip!

Timmy’s Summer Apocalypse

“Timmy? Timmy? Wake up! This is class not your tomb where only hell knows what you do!”
Mrs. Grimestein shrieked, shredding through her taut vocal chords. Timmy’s classmates giggled in a
deep groaning manner befitting of the newly teenaged dead. “It is your turn to speak.” Her tongue
peeked and poked out through the hole in the side of her cheek sometimes she would bite down on it
hard enough to draw blood and would pause as her eyes rolled up and she drank deeply of the brackish fluid. Timmy stood, he was enormous for thirteen, already well over six feet tall and two hundred pounds, he’d used his size advantage to his benefit for as long as he could remember, intimidating his classmates and sometimes his teachers.

Of them all it was Mrs. Grimestein with her gray rotting flesh that had never been able to see his
vastly superior size as scary. She would mock him at every turn, he would later learn that this was her way of keeping him ‘small’ but for now he went to the head of the class to deliver his Summer
Apocalypse report. He was all too aware of the condition his umm rigor mortis was causing, the front of his pants stuck out like he had a narwhal tucked down there. His classmates moaned in derision as his member preceded him. Timmy turned and faced the room, his face twisted up in strain as he let loose the build of up of gaseous pressure within his colon, ribbons of Bob the janitor’s undigested lower intestines fell from Timmy’s rectum pooling up in the seat of his pants, making the tight clothes that much more uncomfortable. Wendy Walker wrinkled up her nose from the offending smell then began to lick at the air like a snake sampling a scent. Timmy cleared his throat, a wet bloody ball of phlegm and fibrous material shot out from his mouth and fell with a squishing sound to the floor. Don Deader and Sara Shambler fought for the food ort.

“What I did for my summer apocalypse.” He started, his voice sounding like he had tiny bits of razor sharp coral shoved down his throat causing the vocalized air to be thick and coated in fluid. “Her name was Vivian.” There was a sneering snicker rippling throughout the class until he gazed at each and every one of his classmates threatening to stuff their heads into long unflushed toilets. “Vivian
Deneaux.” He continued. “She tried to kill me, had a gun pressed to my forehead. The joke was on her though it was empty. I bit her outstretched hand so hard I ripped her thumb clean off!” The front of Timmy’s pants which had been deflating, once again began to inflate with the thought. “The crunch of her brittle bones was heavenly the burst of marrow like a cream filled snack.” His eyes took on a dreamy expression. “I stripped her thumb of meat like a chicken bone, her screams of pain and shock like a deep am...am (he struggled with the unfamiliar word) am...”

“Ambrosia.” Mrs. Grimestein said leaning around his side to look at his paper.

“Yeah ambrosia. I moved up the length of her arm, the loose flesh from her upper arm pulled away with only some slight tugging I knew it was going to be tender.” He was drooling slightly now. “I
held her up as I chewed through the fatty wriggly meat. I slurped every delicious morsel. She was still screaming which I found amazing for someone so old. Usually they die pretty quickly, not this one though she was a tough old bird, I mean in the head not in the body that was as tender as fine
steakhouse aged steak. When I was done on her arm there wasn’t meat enough for a maggot and still the bitch wouldn’t die. Then I got an idea.” He pointed to his head like he was amazed something other than ‘eat...shit’ passed through there.

“Really?” Mrs. Grimestein also seemed surprised.

“She wouldn’t die so I saved her.”

There was an audible gasp from his classmates who were now rapt with his report.

“Yeah I saved her for later!” And then he laughed a wild maniacal thing. “She tasted so good I didn’t want to eat her in just one sitting, so I would bring another meal home and eat in front of her. She
would look at me sometimes wondering why I was doing that but I didn’t care. I like my food to be
aware of what is going to happen to them. When I was done with the little girl, I grabbed the old biddy’s lower calf, she struggled pretty hard for someone with one arm and about three thousand years behind her. Didn’t matter I bit through the bottom of her heel and ripped a chunk of flesh easily an inch...”

“Timmy!” Mrs. Grimestein started.

“Sorry, two point five three centimeters thick.’

“That’s better.”

“She had fat callouses and a few plantars warts that...I mean I just can’t describe how good it was. I mean even better than the first eyeball I ever ate.”

The class sighed thinking of their first times.

“Oh and the screams, it was an added am...am...”

“Ambience.” Mrs. Grimestein prodded. “Go on.” Seemed she was interested as well.

“I thought for sure she’d die but I think maybe she’s too mean for that. So on and on it went the entire summer, I would kill and eat someone and then take a portion of Deneaux as an after dinner mint, her calves, the sallow flesh of her thighs, just last week I ate her sex, have to admit that wasn’t the best part, sort of moldy but still better than most.”

“Is that it?” Mrs. Grimestein asked.

“Not quite I wanted to finish with a show and tell.” Timmy shuffled out of the room, he came back in pulling a chain. A furious old woman whose eyes blazed red was being dragged behind him, the chain wrapped tightly around her neck. Her arms and legs reduced to yellow bone as they scraped against the flooring. The class eyed her hungrily as she left a slimy trail of pus behind her.

“She is not one of us yet she is still alive?” Mrs. Grimestein had come closer. “I thought perhaps your story a fabricated tale Timmy, then I remembered you lacked the imagination.”

Timmy hadn’t heard a word his teacher said. “I present to you class, a gift. You can eat what remains though it will spoil it for every other meal you will ever have.” Chairs started moving backwards as his classmates arose. “First though! First Grimestein must die.”

There had never been a zombie on zombie killing before that day but never had something as special as that old crone ever been offered up as a motive. The rest of the day the class lazily ripped meat from Deneaux’s torso all the while she cursed and spat at them and finally begged for a cigarette before her eyes dimmed and closed.

“I cannot wait for school tomorrow. I have another surprise.” Timmy said as he walked out of the room. “I wonder what table wine goes with a Tal...” The door closed behind him and the rest was lost to the wind.

Thank you for having me on your blog and I hope you guys enjoy the short! -Mark Tufo

Zombie Author Mark Tufo

Woo! I think we all need a cigarette after that bit of juicy Tufo! While you're inhaling carcinogens, why not take a look at the links to all things Mark Tufo. Its equally orgasmic we assure you!

Amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=mark+tufo

email
mark@marktufo.com

website
www.marktufo.com

Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Mark-Tufo/133954330009843?ref=hl

Twitter
@zombiefallout

Here's a shameless promotion for no particular reason

Summer of Zombie Blog Tour 2015: Luke Ahearn

You're reading Books, Beer and BLOGshit! It's the only blog on the internet that insists on starting out with the same opening phrases time after time. I am your repetitive host, Mr. Frank!

Luke Ahearn on the BLOGshit today for the Summer of Zombie Blog Tour. You're not going to believe this, Luke writes books! Zombie books no less! Don't that beat all? Luke Ahearn was indisposed however so we sat down with a zombie that came shambling along after him.

It will have to do.

The BLOGshit: How’d you become a zombie?

Ahearn's Zombie: I’m a zombie? Well, what ever happened it must have been gradual. I do remember the whole world was freaking out scared but I was all like, “take a chill pill man.” You see I was part of the initial wave of awesomeness that took hold of mankind. There is no way to describe it but I was part of the solution and all I had to do was smile and hug people. It worked too because soon we were all in the streets partying naked. Nothing was off limits, I mean nothing.
So there I was spreading the love man! I started hugging people and soon everyone was totally chill. Not just chill but the whole world was like the Gathering of the Juggalos or Burning Man. I’m what you might call an ugly son of a bitch, but when I was feeling confident I started hugging everyone and anyone I wanted to. It was awesome. One minute I’m feeling good, then great, then I’m dancing naked in the front lawn and then…No way in a million years would I thought this possible… my fine ass neighbor appears naked and starts dancing with me. Then we are doing it like dogs in the front lawn. Then it all gets a little fuzzy. I do remember shit after that but I can’t repeat it here.

The BLOGshit: Would you rather be alive again?

Ahearn's Zombie: I’ve never felt more alive! I can go all day and all night. No more sleep or hygiene for me. It’s all shuffling and eating, eating and shuffling.

The BLOGshit: What do the brains taste like anyway?

Ahearn's Zombie: Don’t really know. They’re always inside the skull and not worth the effort. I’m a simple man, meat and more meat for me; no skin, no fancy organs, no gnawing bones like a dog. I like the prime cuts; mid-bicep, flank, rump, quadraseeps—okay now I’m just making things up trying to sound fancy. I just rip into a living walker and enjoy. Like I said, I’m a simple man.

The BLOGshit: Does everything stiffen up from the Rigor Mortis?

Ahearn's Zombie: Rigor Mortis? I wish. It’s like zombie Viagra. But fortunately I’ve been swinging in the breeze and swinging past my knees, everything is loose as a goose. My intenseness are what’s
swinging so low as I lost my penis some time ago. I can’t tell you where it is but probably not too far from my scrots.

The BLOGshit: If you could eat anyone, who would it be?

Ahearn's Zombie: Hell I don’t care who I eat. When you are hungry you take the closest thing reaming and have at it. I guess if I were to be picky it would be just your average Joe or Josephine. Someone in average health before middle age but after puberty. Fat people are a lot of work, lots of digging to get to the meat. Youngsters are tasteless although some claim it’s like eating veal. The old
people are stringy and tough. And clowns taste funny—I love that one! It’s hard to find that perfect meal so I just bite in, grateful this slow walking son of a gun managed to get his hands on a fresh screamer.

Zombie Author Luke Ahearn

Another successful interview with a zombie with nary a bite. Damn, we're getting good at this! To celebrate check out these links for Luke Ahearn below. Don't pick up too many at once or you'll give yourself Ahearn-ia! HAHAHAHA! Get it? Ahearn-ia! A. Hern. E. UH! 

 Okay, I'll stop now.

Luke Ahearn on GoodReads

Luke Ahearn on Amazon

Luke Ahearn on WordPress

Summer of Zombie Blog Tour 2015: Jamie Johnesee

You're reading Books, Beer and BLOGshit! It's the only blog that rocks out with its male rooster out! I am your cock-of-the-walk blog host, Mr. Frank!

We've got a seasoned veteran of the Summer of Zombie Blog Tour today. Author, Jamie Johnesee returns to the BLOGshit and she's brought her infamous zombie, Bob, along with her. Bob The Zombie has been a standout title among a sea of zombie fiction. Jamie utilized zombies in a funny and unique way. That's why a zombie with a simple name can stand out in the crowd. Bob is a zombie of a different color.

So let's have Jamie Johnesee sit Bob down for a breif interview and hope he doesn't get hungry during the proceedings. Ya know, because he's a zombie and eats brains and all that happy horse crap. Ladies and Gents.... Bob the Zombie

Bob the zombie here. Thanks for having me on your blog today. I was told that you had some questions for me? Hey, that hand/ashtray isn’t real, right?

Q: How’d you become a zombie? 

A: Oh, okay, I guess I should just jump right on into it. Um, I became a zombie because my mom had a hard time dealing with my death and hired a necromancer to bring me back to life.

Q: Would you rather be alive again?

A: No, though I would like to be dead again. I was in heaven when I was ripped back to my body and, as a zombie, I am now immortal which sadly means no more heaven. To quote Wayne’s World; “No Stairway, denied!”

Q: What do the brains taste like anyway?

A: Brains are sort of creamy with a delightfully squishy texture. I prefer mine braised in a burre blanc, but I know a few who like a good white wine sauce. If you want any recipes I have dozens of good ones. Mac and headcheese is one of my personal favorites, by the way.

Q: Does everything stiffen up from the Rigor Mortis?

A: Unfortunately I can’t answer this as I’d already been through Rigor and out the other side for days when I was raised. Interesting question, though. 

Q: If you could eat anyone, who would it be?

A: I’d want to eat Mayim Bialik, she would have one tasty brain packed full of knowledgey goodness.

Bob: Thanks for letting me drop by to answer these. Hey, is that a zombie mounted on your wall? Holy crap, I uh, I gotta run. Thanks again!

Zombie Author Jamie Johnesee (Please Don't Adjust Your Monitors)

There he is folks. Bob the Zombie. Give him a hand! No, really, give him a hand, his just fell off! Yuck, Yuck Yuck! When you get done being doubled over in laughter, visit Jamie Johnesee and buy all the Bob books, you wont be sorry.

Links: 

www.JaimeJohnesee.com


www.Facebook.com/AuthorJaimeJohnesee

Here is a picture of Zimbabwe for no particular reason.

Summer of Zombie Blog Tour 2015: Stevie Kopas

You're reading Books, Beer and BLOGshit! Its the only blog that something something something something. I am your such and such a blog host, Mr. Frank!

The Summer of Zombie chugs along. Today we spotlight the ever creative Stevie Kopas. She chose the interview with a zombie but she took it upon herself to create an even more exciting and engaging interview than The BLOGshit provided. We applaud her rebel spirit and the gem that was produced as a result of her refusal to play by the rules. 

We'll let her creative spirit speak for itself. Ladies and Gentlemen, Stevie Kopas and her interview with a hunky zombie (can that be a thing?)

An intimate interview between villainess extraordinaire, Michelle, and a hot zombie locked away in the east tower found in The Breadwinner Trilogy, by Stevie Kopas.

***

Well, isn’t this just a fancy way to pass the time? As you all know, I probably don’t need an introduction, but I’m so full of myself that I’ll make one up anyway. I’m Michelle, and I like to spend my days boozing it up alone in Central and drawing pictures of dead people while I plot the demise of my fellow survivors.

I have quite the captive audience, as every girl should. And today I have a special guest! Behind me are the rock-solid doors of the forbidden east building and you’ll see there’s one particular Eater locked up back there that really does it for me. He’s got great hair, dresses to impress (though I’m pretty sure he probably died in that get-up), and once upon a time had tons of money, because let’s face it, you don’t stay at a resort like this unless you’re loaded.

Please give it up for, Hot Zombie!

Hot Zombie hits his head against the glass door and groans, a putrid yellow liquid dribbling out of the corner of his mouth.

Michelle: Welcome, welcome! Now, I feel like Hot Zombie is just a tiny bit sexist on my part. What shall I call you?

Hot Zombie: Ron.

Michelle: Okay… I kind of like Hot Zombie, so maybe we go with HZ?

HZ: If that works for you, I’m okay with it.

Michelle: Awesome. So tell me, HZ, how did you become a zombie?

HZ: Well, I was here on business and when people started getting sick they cancelled all the flights, so I was sort of stuck here with the rest of these suckers. That British asshole ya’ll are shackin’ up with in the west building, well, he let someone in that had been bitten. Nobody knew it until it was too late. I was one of the first to go, as you can see by this lovely, gaping neck wound. The fuckers were on me in no time, nearly tore my head off. I don’t remember the change, just how damn hungry I was when I woke up. Really hungry. So hungry that I was stupid enough to get locked up in here.

Michelle: Tragic, really. Do you think you’d rather be alive again?

HZ: Wow, you’re honestly not as smart as you look. Would I rather be alive again? I’m insulted, I should just end this interview right now.

Michelle: No, no I’m sorry. Okay, how about we talk about something you like? Brains? You like brains, right?

HZ: They’re okay.

Michelle: So what do they actually taste like?

HZ: Eh, I guess they remind a little bit of tofu. Which I never liked to begin with. Stuff used to gross me out. Now, intestines, that’s what I’m talkin’ ‘bout! Nothing like ripping open a screaming human and pulling out—

Michelle: Okay, can we say gross?

HZ: I’m starting to get hungry again…

Michelle: No, really, ew. How about we talk about something I like? Does everything stiffen up from rigor mortis?

HZ: Considering my dick fell off about four weeks ago, I don’t see where you’re going with this.

Michelle: Alright, well, this interview took an awkward turn... Let’s get to my final question, if you could eat anyone in the world, right now, who would it be?

HZ: Definitely my ex-wife. I’d make sure to bring along my friends here to help finish the job. I would not want to risk her turning and ruining my undead life too.

Michelle: Phew, for a second there I was thinking you might have said me.

HZ: Nah, I have a feeling somebody else will have the pleasure of doing that. I’d hate to be “that guy”,
I’m more courteous than that.

Michelle: Watch it, HZ.

HZ: Sorry, sorry. I’ll go back to moaning and groaning now, maybe break a few more teeth because I’m too stupid to realize I can’t bite through glass…

And there you have it folks, my exclusive one on one with Hot Zombie! Though I did find him much more charming before this interview. Ha. Zombies, eating me? What a farce. I’d say tune in next week but I won’t be here, there’s far too much left of this crumbling shithole called Haven for me to taint with my… awesomeness. I can’t stay cooped up in this resort forever.

ZombieAuthor Stevie Kopas

Michelle is found in books two and three of The Breadwinner Trilogy by Stevie Kopas. All three books are available now in eBook and print, with Book one also available on audio.

About the author: Stevie Kopas was born and raised in Perth Amboy, New Jersey. She currently resides in sunny Florida and will never turn down a cup of coffee, or, depending on the time of day, a glass of red wine. She is the author of The Breadwinner Trilogy and other short stories that can be found in the charity horror anthology, At Hell’s Gates. Stevie is currently working on her next novel, Earth to Millie, and is also the managing editor of the awesome horror and metal site, horrormetalsounds.com. She is an avid gamer, obsessed with time travel, and lover of all things apocalypse. She hopes to come back in her next life as a CL4P-TP, or, Claptrap for short.
Stalk Stevie on Twitter, her username is @ApacoTaco
Become a fan on Facebook at http://facebook.com/thebreadwinnertrilogy
Sign up for her mailing list on the official site http://someonereadthis.com
And check out her Amazon Author Page http://www.amazon.com/Stevie-Kopas/e/B00EX6VU3S/

Here is a picture of a ninja for no particular reason

Summer of Zombie Blog Tour 2015: Dave Lund

You're reading Books, Beer and BLOGshit! It's the only blog that uses tampons for researching our next zombie novel! I am your copper smelling host, Mr. Frank!

Deep into week 2 of the Summer of Zombie Blog Tour 2015 and things are heating up. Today we feature author Dave Lund who tackles The State of Zombie Fiction Essay. He is quite wordy and observant. We like that, we like that a lot!

So we'll keep it short on our end and lent Mr. Lund do the rest of the talking.

The zombie phenomenon has been called “past” or “done” for the last ten years and yet here we are in 2015 and the genre is more popular than ever! How did this happen when did it start and what is the future?

When did it start? The majority of the fans from the genre will usually answer either in regards to filmmaker George Ramero and “Night of the Living Dead” or they will talk about voodoo myths and customs, but they would miss what I consider to the be true origins. To understand the true origins we have to discuss the first question: how did this happen?

The phenomenon happened from human nature. There is an unstoppable foe, one which will not tire, which will not stop and you can either defeat it or be doomed to its fate, a battle between an ultimate good and evil. Many of you will make the next leap of thought and say “oh yes, the Battle of Wolf 359” which is a nice geeky reference and I would agree with you. The Battle of Wolf 359, for those of you not steeped in Star Trek lore, is the major battle of the Federation against The Borg which aired in two parts as a season cliff hanger in 1990 in the episode “The Best of Both Worlds” of the Star Trek: The Next Generation series. The Borg are an unstoppable force, untiring, who will kill you or assimilate (convert) you to being a member of the Borg collective. The Borg is the Star Trek version of a zombie. You are also right in that “Night of the Living Dead” played long before 1990, but the movie was at that time still a bit of an underground or cult success. The Borg plotlines in the Star Trek universe brought zombies to the public consciousness more strongly than they realized and was a major step in planting the genre growth we’ve experienced since.

Long before twentieth century, long before a beat cop dreamed up a TV series about a starship and her crew, long before George Romero’s great-grandfather was born, the unstoppable enemy has lived in popular culture. Let us step into the Delorean and travel back to roughly 2500 BC and the first great work of literature, Epic of Gilgamesh. The great flood was one of the unstoppable enemies that Gilgamesh conquered and I won’t list all the feats but through the original tablets of the tale the demigod vanquished the unstoppable and continued his adventure, often Gilgamesh was the unstoppable force against the others.

Littered through the myths, legends and history of human culture, the unstoppable conquering enemy has existed. Wars fought, civilizations created and destroyed, from the Crusades of the Middle Ages to the World War Two and continuing to this day, the idea of ultimate good and evil percolates in our consciousness.

What does that mean for the future of the zombie genre? Is the phenomena over? We are far from over, a genre built from the first known pieces of literature from five thousand years ago, the core of the genre will continue long after our dead bodies reanimate and crumble to dust. For the current modern version of zombies the genre is just getting started. From unstoppably popular TV shows and movies to novels and short stories, the rest of the public simply can’t get enough. Part of the reason for the explosive growth in the indie and hybrid author arena is the accessibility of the author to the fans via social media. Instead of waiting for the PR machine for a Tom Clancy franchise to return a letter, daily people have the chance to interact, chat, message and discuss topics with their favorite authors. The big book stores are shrugging out of the genre, saying it is over, but I’m not sure how they can see that as their own swan song plays mournfully. To end the rambling discussion today, let me leave you with an idea of our future: we are watching “You’ve Got Mail” in reverse. Kathleen divorces Joe Fox, Fox Books goes out of business while she opens an indie niche book store around the corner from the big box bookstore. She lives out the rest of her life happily selling books and supporting indie authors with her adoring fans, readers and customers. I’m looking forward to the first horror only indie book store to open in my town!

Zombie Author Dave Lund

Author Dave Lund is at the helm of the popular Winchester Undead book series, with Winchester: Over and Winchester: Prey currently available. http://www.winchesterundead.com
This is Dave Lund's first year at Books, Beer and BLOGshit for the Summer of Zombie Tour and we think he knocked it out of the park. Way to go Dave. Check out more Dave Lund links below:

Dave Lund on Goodreads

Dave Lund on Amazon.com

Dave Lund at Barnes & Noble

Here is a picture of Laura Ingalls as portrayed by Melissa Gilbert for no particular reason.